i give up

it suddenly dawned on me last night that i really really really really (X10000) miss 4e3! all the friends that i made... all the bonds that were forged... it hurts not being able to remain in my comfort zone. i feel like i have to put on a mask of a slacker everyday. somehow, acjc seems bias against muggers(me). its kind of reckon as a 'stay away' zone to be in! sometimes i rather retreat into an unknown neighbourhood school. hardworking is all that matters there. unlike famous schools where we are supposedly suppose to have such smart brains that we dont need to study and still ace all our subjects. no doubt there are indeed people like that... but that 'people' obviously dont include me. BBSS is still the best in my heart(: especially 4e3. its the 'lets ace it all together!' class spirit which i now admire. a lot. more often though, i miss the people in that class. miss miss miss miss miss them... the laughter, the joy, even the tears shed together in the pursuit of our studies. that urge to cry is propagating...would you join me?

why do i always attach myself to people so easily?
why do they always break my heart in the end?
even after i tell myself time and again...
"dont do it... you will end up hurting your own feelings"

a lesson learned in primary school(s), i stepped into bbss telling myself that i must remain a reasonable distance from everyone such that when i leave that school, there will be nothing and no one i would like to keep in contact with, i will move on in my life. but obviously, my PLAN had FAILED. instead of diminishing that aftereffect of leaving memories, i actually aggravated it.

give up. its too tough to hang on for 2 years.