i brought the AC bear!!! yay!!! :) :) :) wish i had a million bears around me now... heex. instead of a bed of roses...i want a bed of soft huggable bears :p

i decided. my new resolution. i am going to take things as they come one by one. no fretting over pathetic results or horrid teachers. Everything will be fine in the end. the Lord will bring me through (:

its sat again! always the day i look forward to in a week...
but again, the same dilemma today.
should i go or not? the only youth sister again...
i know i have to hang on! be the strong one...
but its tough. real tough.
the attraction of studying instead of going for meetings.
strong attraction.
help me!
Lord, attract me with Yourself!
i dont want to go just cos the other sisters are going...
its all excuses i know. but still...
my flesh is weak.
is this some kind of test?
with my failure in everything these days...
plus no sisters going for sat meetings...
how long can i perserver?
i really wonder...
the only reason that keeps me going...
its that i'm afraid if i stop going just cos of exams and studies now...
next year when it comes to a levels...
or when i move to yew tee...
i have no more willpower in persuading myself to go for meetings
even the Lord's table meeting.
i should perserver right?
Lord, gain me fully.
i want to give my all to You.
as long as You are with me, it doesn't matter if i fail everything else.
i need Your presence.

wanted to blog this long ago! but didn't had the chance. had a fantastic time on wed night(: the five of us... a pity that you didn't come though. it was like a happy family reunion dinner! the same chatter, the familiar faces. miss those happy times together! love you people! (:

p.s. i cant put the tagboard, hah. you all can just feedback personally to me. but no weird questions pls.
here's the bigger font u wanted. a granted wish for the b dae gal!

Sad and happy day!
but happy predominating!
so...*drum rolls* Miss happy wins!!! hah
why?(so PI format)
sad cos my uglydoll came out of its keychain AND i almost lost it. thank goodness you saw it...
:( still have no idea how to fix it! *sigh*
happy cos i had watermelon for lunch!! yum yum.
overshot my budget but i shall hack care for one day. heex.
i promise to eat lesser tomorrow k.
Another happy occasion!!!
its GRACE's birthday!!!
congrats for ageing one more year :P
may your whole year be filled with joy and unceasing praise to the Lord!
thx again for being such a great friend in my life!
XXX from me.

a new week ahead!

Lord, I come,
Seeking You,
Bring me in,
To Your light,
You're so rich,
You're so full,
Wonderful,
My delight.
Open me,
Turn my heart,
Speak to me,
In Your Word,
Lord You areAll I need,
I love You,
Precious Lord.

may the Lord be so real to us this week! (:
keep me in the enjoyment of a healthy churchlife!

Life is full of ups and downs... and falling down is one of them.. the pulse of pain surged through me with each step i took closer to home. but i did well, i was brave. pushed back the tears welling up in me. its just the pain. i deserve it, cos i was careless. i recalled my primary school days... when i crid not all because of pain. it was mainly cos of fear, the fear of being scolded again for my carelessness. it seems like time have driven past me yet the inside of me still hasnt changed. this little girl. the same old careless me.

the pure joy of FRIDAYS!!!
its like the pressure lifted up SLIGHTLY in a pressure bottle.
even the class seems so cheery... or is it my imagination?
we laughed our way through lessons (:
but then again, deep deep down within we all know...
the future is bleak. the work load presently is not the max.
in fact, its the min.
ah well! i'm living in the present.
who cares about the future when you cant even breathe now?

everything and everything and everything is going to be okay.
just trust in the Lord.

thank you!

electronic kites!
indescribably pretty!
i want one.
no. i want to be one.
so carefree to fly.
nahh.. i think i can only posses one.

i am going ballistic.
what's wrong with me?
have you ever felt happy and sad at the same time?
and cried your heart out in sorrow but you thought you are happy?
that was exactly what i did and felt.
i really dont know what's wrong....
i feel like crying crying and keep crying...
is it self pity?
people say its stress.
but what if i'm mentally unstable.
many times i feel that the churchlife's what kept me going over the years.
and my engine's dying...
would you be my shoulder to cry on?


Jesus is all the world to me:
My life, my joy, my all.
He is my strength from day to day;
Without Him I would fall.
When I am sad, to Him I go,
No other one can cheer me so.
When I am sad, He makes me glad;
He's my Friend.

Giggles have become a large part of my stress relieving plan. the more stressful, the more easier it is to be triggered off by something that's actually not funny and then giggle continuously. at times, its these insignificant giggles that keeps us through the day. Just starting the day with laughter and giggles would certainly keep me happy and contented for a day. simple but true (: may the lives of the people around me be filled with laughter and happiness!!!!

the feelings came rushing back.
maybe its cos of the environment and all.
back to the old days... where being a nobody doesnt matter.
met up with the old teachers(: including mdm yaw, mr quek...
haha. teachers who are of great significant in the past two years of life.
they cultivated a love for sciences in me.
which, i'm afraid would decrease a whole lot in jc.
i have learned to love BBSS
and the people in it.

Be Our Best.

it striked me today that reality is harsh.
only one month...yet one can change so much.
i dont know how to describe but i felt sad, worried, and sympathy for you.
i admit life has gone down on you pretty hard.
but i believe that there's something more than it seems to be.
you looked mentally exhausted, depressed...
the glow of a wide general knowledge have gone.
the self confidence have vanished.
where is the old you that i know?
but i guessed, anyone that went through so much would probably look like that too.
including me.
you told me that you were much more emotionally affected rather than physically.
i believe so too.
in fact, if it were me, i would have broken down long ago...
even maybe an extent of giving up my life.
i can sense that you dont have the will and strength to go on.
i pray that the Lord will be your real strength and wisdom...
just draw your supply from Him.
never give up yup?
i have confidence that you can overcome this.
well wishes from me(:

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL FRIENDSHIP DAY!!!!
(not exactly sure its today... but since the school celebration was today......)

here's some credit to ALL who have been a great friend to me in 4e3!
belinda
audrey
mei xiu
grace
lorraine
hui xian
hazlin
zi hui
christina
benjamin
benny
wei jian
kenny

1 Thes 5:23 And may the God of peace Himself, sanctify you wholly, and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complate, without blame, at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ (:

was really impressed by that sentence 'i deserve to be punished together with the class.' sounded feeble yet full of responsibility. you did exactly what i wanted to. but didnt have the courage. although i still cannot stand his mean and horrid attitude, we were still in the wrong. and deserved to be punished...

i am sorry i was late.

i shall not succumb to peer pressure...

my enjoyment for today (:
we are rebels by nature. we have no strength when it comes to submitting to God, but we have lots of strength when it comes to rebelling against Him. we have to confess that our natural life is incapable, TOTALLY incapable, of coming under the government of God. but Praise the Lord! for the divine life within us. do not suppress that divine life within you, or you will feel like a caged bird suffering. just submit to this divine control and be wonderfully released! "With God all things are possible"(matt 19:26)

if we remain earthy and fallen. a little knock and we go to pieces. turn to your spirit!

OOPS aka out of point... the word i dread most at the present moment. 7 hours gone down the drain for PW. no joke! *sign* redo redo redo! AGAIN and AGAIN. argh! i dont like the accusing stare of the computer...give me some fresh air and sunlight to survive.

free me from the world! blend me into the sea.. i wanna slip in and out of the waves, marbled in ebony, white.

miss the silence we shared every tuesday. dont know if you ever minded. i tried to break the silence but it didnt seem to work out. i still prefer the silent moments. awkard yet comfortable (:

you crept into my life... if you decide to leave, leave silently.

drank bubble tea today, was reminded of the close shave that day. hah. almost got caught didnt we? it was just pro to swallow down dozens of mini pearls and half the cup of bubble tea in less than 5 mins though... imagine the expression on their faces if you were caught drinking it. my heart almost popped out of my mouth at that point of time when i realised the people in the lift. but the pang of guilt was there. somehow, it seems that i dai huai ni. hmmm, am i overly suspicious?

i give up

it suddenly dawned on me last night that i really really really really (X10000) miss 4e3! all the friends that i made... all the bonds that were forged... it hurts not being able to remain in my comfort zone. i feel like i have to put on a mask of a slacker everyday. somehow, acjc seems bias against muggers(me). its kind of reckon as a 'stay away' zone to be in! sometimes i rather retreat into an unknown neighbourhood school. hardworking is all that matters there. unlike famous schools where we are supposedly suppose to have such smart brains that we dont need to study and still ace all our subjects. no doubt there are indeed people like that... but that 'people' obviously dont include me. BBSS is still the best in my heart(: especially 4e3. its the 'lets ace it all together!' class spirit which i now admire. a lot. more often though, i miss the people in that class. miss miss miss miss miss them... the laughter, the joy, even the tears shed together in the pursuit of our studies. that urge to cry is propagating...would you join me?

why do i always attach myself to people so easily?
why do they always break my heart in the end?
even after i tell myself time and again...
"dont do it... you will end up hurting your own feelings"

a lesson learned in primary school(s), i stepped into bbss telling myself that i must remain a reasonable distance from everyone such that when i leave that school, there will be nothing and no one i would like to keep in contact with, i will move on in my life. but obviously, my PLAN had FAILED. instead of diminishing that aftereffect of leaving memories, i actually aggravated it.

give up. its too tough to hang on for 2 years.

this is simply an addiction.

no matter how i look at it,
i doubt it will work out.
i wont be able to handle it.
temptations are great!

broken inside out

just remembered my dream yesterday. kind of scary.
i recalled that i was weeping badly.
and i wanted to commit suicide.
i was ready to write my last goodbyes...
it seems so vivid now. the dream and all.
i even remember the people whom i decided to write letters for
and those that i decided not to so that they will regret whatever they did to me.
i was filled with rage and revenge.
blood red...
that's the only description.
is it just a dream? or a forecast?
i think it is because i have always kept things hidden within me.
just store them in me. keep silent.
keep silent about everything.
happiness, sad, worry, anger,
its all building up. i can feel it.
it seems so much easier to flare up now than three years ago.
oh! and there's something i reckon is mood swings.
its becoming worse now.
i can be really excited one moment, but the next i would fall into depression.
i think there's something... deep down in me that is wrong
seriously wrong.
i need to let go.
let go everything and trust in Him.
to be a lily trusting in God.

is there something called a stress reliever?
pls tell me.

those gastric pangs. so irritating.
makes me relish the old memories of o levels.
pls go away, pangs...
it used to go on for several days once it starts.
lose all my appetite. no matter how much i eat or how little i eat.
it just seems so stubborn.
it hurts. really hurts.
maybe i should just go and sleep.
but will it help? or else it will just be a waste of time...
i feel tired. tired from the core.
maybe its just sunday blues... knowing that i have to return to school tomorrow.
even the sky is crying for me.

started off the day feeling nervous and anxious for the GP test and PW. tt stress level was multiplied when i realise i didnt bring my PE attire. haiz... what a day! ended the day feeling worried and upset. not cos of homeowrk and stuff. i am not a geek OK! it was cos of social issues. the major other part of my life... friends. long story. not worth ranting about.

my first friday of the term in school! i can feel the stress piling up... with all the tests and exams coming up plus PW.It seriously makes me wonder how others could manage to handle it so well.Sacrifice would be great to maintain good results.

got my PW group today! it seems okay. wellll its not exactly my dream group bt it isn't a nightmare either. Thank the Lord for His soverign arrangement! guess i would just have to get to know my members more. Hopefully we would get along well. i think my idea's terrible. i admit i am totally void of ideas. i'm like one of the efficient but mindless clones that is churned out by Singapore. hah.

still trusting in Him.

sorry sorry sorry sorry to you too!
didnt mean to abandon you halfway.
i've let you down again.
i'm an awful friend right?
forgive me.

sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry...
i really didn't mean to be your additional stress.
shouldnt have insisted that you stay.
pls don cry ok.
forgive me.

wanted to blog this yesterday!
really enjoy this!

I'm just a little flower
With open face;
I'm fully turned to God,
Receiving grace.
I don't know how to try-
This is my case-
I'm just a lily trusting God.

Praise the Lord! we can simply trust in Him in all things(:
be a lily trusting God!