embarrassed today.
all becos of yesterday.
now i kinda starting to distaste chinese lessons.
it ain't my fault!
how would i have known that i would be the ONLY one who did my tutorial???
now i am labeled as a "guai" student.
it really gets on my nerves,
especially when people use that excuse to tease me.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH DOING WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO???
is it so difficult for them to complete their homework?
i know they are smart and i'm not. so? big deal.
i came from a neighbourhood school, you came from a prestigious school,
BUT my results so HAPPEN to be better. see. no biggy.
forget it.
i'm pissed.

played RISK last night!
was fun at first...
but somehow i ended up quarrelling.
i don't know what went wrong.
i KNOW its not my fault.
i KNOW i did NOT cheat.
my conscience is clear.
oh, whatever.
RISK can still be fun & exciting!!! hah.

In message four.
subject: the peace of the Body.
what is peace?
Peace is the Triune God Himself. Christ is of peace and peace is of Christ. the fruit of the Spirit is peace.
when do we have the real peace?
as long as we are one with God, enjoying grace and living under the Headship of Christ.
The world can ONLY give us artificial peace, the genuine peace can ONLY be found in the Body.Praise the Lord!!! NO ONE who is independent of the Body ever has real peace, dependence on the Body brings genuine peace. The Body is a universe of peace.
are we living in peace today?

O peace, i love you!(:

In message three.
subject: the growth of the Body.
GROWTH is the increase in size and development of function in the Body. it is the holy spirit gaining more ground in us and the spreading of Christ into our heart inwardly. it is the increase in gospel preaching, number of people saved outwardly. how we need to grow! although we cannot cause this growth( for God causes the growth), we are able to hinder this growth. the bro lead us to see the 3 giants within us. flesh. self(anti-Christ). natural constitution. we also have to deal with: world, sin and conscience.
Lord, for the Body, i just want You to increase and the self to decrease! Lord, don't let me go. save me in life by killing these giants in me! no matter what, don't stop Your work in me! i know the cross is well-abled to overcome these giants! Lord, grow in me!

In message two.
subject: the Head of the Body.
whose will would be done in your life? your will? your parent's will? or God's will? after this message, i would tell the Lord: Lord, Your will be done. often, we neglect Christ as the Head in our lives.we need to honour Christ as the Headship, so much so that even authority from us would flow out like a river of life to others. especially in prayer. one thing that strike me once more was the definition of prayer given. to pray is to deny our self. to pray indicates that we honour Christ as the Head and are seeking guidance from the Head. however, many times we tell God what to do, give him our list of wants. this is not the way! to pray means NOT I BUT CHRIST. as we grow in life, we would know Christ in such a way that His desire becomes our desire. hence, we would pray according to our desire which is His desire. This is real prayer. The Body of Christ is an organism which carries out the will of God, just as our physical body carries out our will. by praying, it means that we want God's will to be done, NOT our will to be done.
another point i really enjoyed was that we sisters need to have emotion in resurrection. our relationship with the Head determines our relationship with the saints. all our relationships should be under the Head, there should be no direct communion one with another for it should ALL be through the Head.

have been attending this weekend's conference at maritus mandarin hotel by brother Ron.
didn't get to prophesy so...
here's a tiny biny bit portion i enjoyed(:

In message One.
subject: experiencing Christ as life for the Body of Christ.
just the title itself was enough to bring me into the enjoyment of Christ. EXPERIENCING CHRIST was for Christ to become real in us, to become our life, to be in us, to be so subjective to us in our daily lives. AS LIFE indicates a subjectiveness that is to the uttermost. just like we are dependent on life in our physical body, we should be totally dependent on Christ as life, to an extent that we cannot live without Him. may the Lord touch us so deeply concerning this. FOR shows us that there is something greater than our personal experience of Christ, which is the Body of Christ. we are not for our personal gains, but all for the building up of the Body of Christ, including our experience with Christ.the BODY OF CHRIST is an organism in which the Triune God moves in and flows through. It is an organic reality that transcends time and space, yet expressed in local churches. Praise the Lord!!!
God's will in our life is for Christ to become us. God wants to give Himself to us to become us! there is a need for a life hidden in God in which we have our secret time with the Lord, coupled with several secret experiences that is intimate with Him.

just submitted my application.
relieved.
i hope that most of the friends i made stay.
i feel that ac is the right choice.
i like their language.
and the study smart, play hard environment.
but i'm not sure if i will be able to survive.
moreover, i don't feel like plonking myself into a totally new environment.
in njc i mean.
at least i know more or less my way in ac.
knowing myself as someone who has a poor sense of direction...
and i definitely know where are all the toilets. lol.

i pray that what i have choosen is according to God's desire.

unexpected.

i cried. can't believe i cried. its not exactly tears of joy... more like shocked at my english A2, thankful to the Lord and about some of my friend's "unfair" results. i recalled, exactly one year ago i was seated at the hall, witnessing my seniors receiving their o level results. truth be told, from that day onwards, i was pretty determined to be one of the few on the screen. although i knew that even if i were top in my school, i can never be compared to a normal student from prestigious schools, i still yearned for this glory. now, realising this "dream", its nothing much. yes, glorious for that particular moment when my name was called and flashed on the screen. but, how long would this last? its really not a big deal now to get 6 or 7 points for o's. ask around... for every 4 ppl, definitely there will be 1 who score single digit. i know i sound ego at this moment. but honestly... hai... nevermind.

ever since yesterday, i keep asking myself, how do i feel? but i haven't got my answer.on the contary, this verse keeps popping in my mind. matt 6:33 but seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. we need to seek the reality of the church life today! without the Lord, i would never be able to get what i got. it is only when i am pursuing the Lord with my whole being that all these results turn out positive. although it always seems difficult to give up my time to go for meetings, do revival, night prayer, etc etc. but when i really regulate myself to do these things, time never seems to run out for me. oh what a miracle my Lord!

how do i comfort others? maybe i think too much or am very sensitive, but i tend to hesitate before comforting cos it may appear to others that i am very offending. i don't know how to explain, but just think of somebody who did much better telling you that its all okay, everything's what it should be. won't you be offended? i will. its no problem weeping with others, but in the first place, would they allow me to weep with them? personally, if i were that person, i would prefer comfort from somebody who understands, not one who scored better. haiz... but still... i wish i could do something that would cheer up those who mean something to me. sometimes i even wished that i could just bear their sorrows for them. to be the "unlucky" one. easier said than done though.

Lord, keep me humble even with my good results.

stoning.
anxious thoughts are continuously packing into my brain.
will it explode by tomorrow?
i wish for it to be.
i don't like facing reality unless its good.
which reality never seems to be.
at least i have something else to ponder over.
tomorrow they will be coming(:
hope that there will not be any last minute changes.
i'm quite excited.
but that excitement never seems to last,
when i remember what event comes next.

will i cry becos of utter disappointment?
or will i shed tears of joy?
i wonder...
don't you?

have i expressed Christ today? a teacher reprimanded us today. she said that all our actions in her class was not befitting what we should show. that every action indicates the kind of poor education on attitude and manners we had in our past 16 years.at first, i felt angry for the insult. but soon after, it really strike me that if i really had Christ as the content in me, my every move should be that of glory and not of reprimanding. i have always looked down upon those who have bad work attitude and horrid manners. i think i need to look down on myself today. did my actions bear the Lord's testimony in school today?
Lord, forgive me.

back to my anxious concern about my results. THERE'S A CHANGE IN INFO!!! now apparently, the results are out on thursday. THIS THURSDAY!!! AHHHHHHH!!! what if.... what if... oh no! i'm fretting over the results thing AGAIN! help!
maybe i need a little chit-chat with you about my results. ok. calm down, joanna! breathe in, breathe out. yupp. that's the way, face the situation cool and calm. like its not yours. ok. IF i don't do as well as i think i should, say... i am no longer able to stay in ac. what would i do? oh my gosh!!! WHAT WOULD I DO?? what if i get a 15 for L1R5? i think i would really break down. but of cos, not in front of everybody unless i can't control myself. which i usually can i think.why affect the mood of those who get x-tremely good results? i mean... that's so selfish right? though we shd weep with those who weep, but its really difficult to stop crying if i'm with someone whom i know will be there for me. i would definitely not head home. maybe to my favourite hideout. yeah. my favourite hideout. haven't been there for ages. don worry, hideout, i will visit you soon. whether good or bad results come my way.
let's look on the brighter side. its better if its thursday. at least i can prepare my spirit for friday night's meeting. right? O Lord!
i seem very negative ya? well, that's the way i am. then you will ask me, if i get good results? well, nothing much. just happy. REALLY happy. but, honest. the percentage of getting what i want is almost impossible.
time to start on physics tutorials.
life doesn't stop cos of worrying.
6 FULL pages.
save me!

today's enjoyment(:
in the mind of Jesus
there is thought for you,
warm as summer sunshine,
sweet as morning dew;
why should you be fearful,
why take anxious thought,
since the mind of Jesus
cares for those He bought?

elected for the GP rep.
became the assistant.
possibility was 1/6.
surprised.
shocked.
whatever you say.
cos i can't believe it.
first tutorial and i was thrown this heavy burden.
but i'll admit it.
its kinda cool to be a rep.
its kinda cool to have gained enough votes too(:
haha. taking in consideration that i said:
" i think i am responsible enough. oh. and GP rocks"
as my statement.
dumb but true.
if you're thinking that i feel sad cos i ain't the GP rep,
only an assistant,
you are soo wrong.
teehee. i'm actually VERY glad i'm not the main person.
cos it means i don't have such a BIG burden unless the GP rep isn't in school.
and i think the GP rep's not bad too.
co-operation should be manageable.
but somehow, i STILL am handicapped in differentiating who's who.
especially the guys.
and their names.
but i'll keep trying.
never give up! yay!

we, as 1SA3,
did get to bond more today.
probably cos most of us take the exact same combi.
which is good btw.
everybody's friendly,
and we're quite a noisy bunch.
according to the chinese teacher(especially).
besides chinese and physics,
the rest left a fairly well first impression on me.

conversed well with the scholars today!!!
got to know them in a more detailed way.
was rather absorbed in our conversation(:
glad to have met them.
i would like to preach the gospel to them.
pray that they would be open to my speaking.

Lord, i miss You!

feelings...

Lord's table today(:
realised i missed the constant chatting and laughter of the youth. it makes me wonder... throughout the week, when did i laugh a genuine laughter? was it just to please others? to make new friends? to appear very friendly? i really wonder. but somehow, it seems that my real laughter, from the bottom of my heart always ends up with the saints. or at times, with my good friends.
felt rather lonely today after the mtg. is this feeling similar to those youth that feels left out? no wonder they tend to leave earlier. i didn't feel like chatting today. well. that left me feeling down and sad. but of cos i will still look happy. its kind of a bliss to just observe the youth. haha. their never ending supply of strength, their cheerfulness, their simplicity.
i wish i could turn back time. to days of simplicity. when my only worry was whether i could play after completing my homework.

my concern: what would i be feeling on friday? too sad to go for the conference at night? or jumping for joy? i think this is what's keeping me low in spirit this few days. am i too anxious and worried? its just so difficult to turn back to my spirit nowadays... am i "too" in my flesh? my natural self?

enjoyed:
my God, my Portion and my Love,
my everlasting All,
i've none but Thee in heav'n above,
or on this earthly ball.

worn out.

that fervour to burst into tears.
so familiar yet so hateful.
i didn't mean to do it.
i just couldn't control myself.

is there a mental sickness called worried?
i know i shdnt be too anxious about things.
it will cause my stress level to increase.
followed by the emotion outburst.

am i weird?
every time i feel angry,
i just wanna cry.
no.
i have to resist that urge.
strongly resist.
cos crying can be pretty addictive.
once i start, its difficult to stop.
its as if crying is bursting a bubble inside of me.
and the bubble's filled with water that would never cease to flow...

maybe i'm just too emotional about my results.
confirmed release on this coming friday.
every single moment i'm not doing anything,
i start to dream about friday.
about that slip of paper
that determines my future.
i really want to stay in ac.
pls?

feeling so empty today.
haven't had my fill of Christ today.

draw me, Lord;
lest these earthly cares consume my driven soul.
move me, Lord;
as a coursing river turns within Thine hands.
Draw me, Lord!

loving 1SA3(:

another eventful day!
though lectures were awfully boring
AND my tutorials are piling up...
i must really start clearing em.
OR ELSE...

today was WONDERRRFUL!!!
heex.
managed to know more ppl in class.
having jumbled up feelings now.
grateful for the new friends i made.
sad cos i will have to leave them eventually.
in one month.
the scholars were great!
8 of em in my class!!! can u believe that?
from vietnam, thailand, indonesia, malaysia, etc
SUPER unique!!
if only this is my 2 yrs jc class.
moreover, they are VERY VERY friendly(:
love them all.
singaporeans are not bad too.
hahaha.
got to know a couple today.
the 3 of us hacked our tutorials and started talking.
for 1 hour ++
wish we would all stay together.

photo taking session.
had to hold an A4 size paper with my name in front.
then smile.
ka ching!
felt like a prisoner.
seriously.

Praise You, Lord, for the friends in my life!

broken day.

stomach cramping.
whole upper body aching.
a stack of tutorials are waiting for me.
the heat is getting into my bones.
and i'm feeling so crappy.
must be the hormones...
a normal thursday afternoon.
yet so terrible.

if not for the honey-face mask & cadbury chocolate,
i will fly into a rage
the next person who triggers my irritation.
on second thoughts...
i won't.
i'm quite good at keeping my cool.
ask around... not many ppl seen me angry before.
only really good friends will witness my flaring up.
unless of cos, somebody REALLY irritates me.
i'm serious!

honestly, there's no point in getting all uptight and mad.
no pros, just cons.
high blood pressure, stress, anxious, bla bla bla.
see... useless in being angry.

BUT there are exceptions.
just the adrenaline rush of anger.
can't help it...
sorry but i strongly dislike ppl
who have vulgarities sprouting out of their mouth every second of the day.
especially in front of me.
seriously gets on my nerves.
hopefully by the end of my life,
humans will create a machine that slaps ppl
when an unclean word proceeds out of their mouth
oops. i'm rambling again.

1SA3.

1SA3!!!!
my class for the next month...
same as 2 others from og grp.
fated or what?
hah.
quite disappointed at the teacher.
didn't had a good impression before today.
maybe i'm too judgemental.
i should look at her positive side(:
hope the impression will improve.
but my classmates are great!
at least a gd first impression
except, of cos, the exceptional few.
got along quite ok.
its a guys dominant class i think.
quite a few of ACSi & SJI
so far, only one similarity,
all of us take 4 H2s.
but most take PCME i guess.

a little nervous about tml.
maybe not a little.
super nervous!!
gotta go everywhere with the class from now on.
hmmm... what if i don't get along?
i'm not the sporty sporty kind,
nor the smarty pants type,
nor in the sociable category.
sorry.
i always freak out when i must know new ppl.
a bit pessimistic too.
any other person who switches sch 4 times would be a pro.
unlike me.

why should you be lonely,
why for friendship sign,
when the heart of Jesus
has a full supply?

Praise the Lord!

PR. yay!

$$ 3.00 +
2 hrs of waiting.
was worth it.
worth the 20 pellets.
PR.
air pistol & rifle.
interesting!
hah.
NOW i'm seriously thinking of joining shooting
BUT tt's IF i can get in.
i'm falling in love with air rifle...
felt the strong sense of accomplishment.
the guy who taught me was super sweet.
but dream on... he's j4.
he was really really patient.
i was afraid tt i would piss him off.
like being slow and everything...
he even wanted to show me the loading & unloading part.
got scolded in return.
sorry.
very happy!
i managed to get in 5/10 shots within the black part.
he said it was either i had pure sheer luck
or i'm really good for a first-timer.
yay!
BUT he probably said tt to encourage me.
definitely there are much better ppl around.
cos the other tests were disappointing.
e.g., the flex leg thing, blindfolded walking, etc etc
haiz. there goes my hope into the drain...

air pistol was more difficult.
partly cos of my muscle ache.
couldn't hold there too long.
kept shaking. nervous?
most probably...

STOP finding excuses, joanna!
you're just having a bit of beginner's luck,
and you're over the moon!
admit it, you're pathetic.

dilemma...

canoeing & volleyball training today!
i am seriously considering both.
unless shooting is better...
haiz.
my stress level is rising again.
maybe i shd list down the pros and cons.
OK.
Volleyball:
+ no trainings on sat
+ less vigorous
+ i love balls!
+ i want to learn smething practical
+ competition does nt affect CT.
+ ppl are nice
+ girls only
+ no huge arm muscles

canoeing:
+ i feel the fitness!
+ will be fun short term
+ friends are joining

oh gosh!!!
what a headache.
tml thn think.
i might not even stay in acjc
my results probably will not make it
i screwed up my O's.
screwed up big time!
seriously think i will get double digits.
any kind soul wants to enlighten me?
think i will continue my cca shopping.
till my cca charming comes and find me.
haha.
i am so dumb.
freaking over unimpt things like tt,
before i get my o's results.
dumb.
what if i get 20 pts?
forget bout canoeing
forget bout volleyball.
go poly.
give you an idea.
this is what i USED TO expect:
eng B3
the rest... A1
L1R5-8
this is what i NOW expect:
eng b4
humanities b4
maths A2
chem & bio A2
physics A1
A maths A1
L1R5- 14!!!
argh!
see what i mean?
forget it.

1 pet 1:2

just dropping a simple enjoyment(:

Grace to you and peace be multiplied.

grace here refers to God as our enjoyment.
peace is a condition that issues from grace,
from the enjoyment of God our Father.
our intial grace as believers needs to be multiplied,
that we may participate in all grace.

keep enjoying the Lord !!!!

as for you,
i don noe if i'm getting the right msg from you.
or maybe i'm just over-reacting.
i really don noe.
too close with too many ppl.
but its still best if we are friends.
i prefer it this way.
if its meant to be, its meant to be.
but if its not, we should not try.
at least i don think it will work out.
sorry.
maybe i should avoid you more often.
its easier for us like that.
Lord be with you!

wishing you all the best.
i doubt i feel the same way as you do.
forget about me.
i'm not for you.
you will go on.
time will change your feelings.
i pray that you be saved in the Lord's recovery one day.
thanks for all your care and concern.
sorry i cannot return anymore than i should.
press on! never give up!
pursue what you like.
God bless and tc.

what am i towards you now?
time has changed the feelings.
it has been a long time...
i don't feel the same.
not like before.
even irritated sometimes.
hope you feel the same way.
its better this way.

i am glad.

revived!

revived!
attended the sister's meeting today.
enjoyed a couple of things.
can't help it! i must share it with you...

i was reminded once again that
our main function as sisters is to bring in Christ,
just as virgin Mary brought in salvation by bearing Jesus,
and the woman brought forth the overcomers in revelation.

Luke 1:38
And Mary said, Behold, the slave of the Lord.
May it happen to me according to your word.
And the angel departed from her.

here it shows us how simple was Mary before God.
she didn't care for the consequences,
she gave herself to God, to go according to His word.
without any reservation, she allowed Christ to be brought in through her.
not calculative at all.

Matt 20:20-21
is an negative example of a sister.
she was not pure in motive when she worshipped the Lord
for she wanted her sons to be seated on the left and right of the Lord.
she wanted to gain glory indirectly through her sons.

never let ambition or glory cause our heart towards the Lord to be impure.
this will only allow the enemy to have a way in us.

how i need to see this point!
with my calculative personality,
often not pure in motive before the Lord.
especially in my daily living,
towards my friends,
the ill intentions,
the calculative mindset...
Lord, forgive me!

another point i also enjoyed.
John 11:21-24
shows us that Martha had her own opinion,
was filled with her opinion to such an extent
that it brought a lot of difficulties to the Lord.

hmmm...me too.
i tend to forget that the Lord has His own sovereign arrangement,
hence often giving my own humanly and fleshy opinion
worst sometimes, telling the Lord what to do.
O Lord Jesus!

Lord, keep me serving in resurrection at all times,
away from my flesh into my spirit.
keep me in such a prayerful spirit
that the Lord's recovery may be preserved.
i don't want to be anxious in my service.
Lord, that i may be like Mary,
just loving, listening and abiding in You always.

hymn 840
by Thy life and by its flowing
i can grow and be transformed.
With the saints coordinated,
builded up, to Thee conformed;
Keep the order in the Body,
There to function in Thy will,
ever serving, helping others,
all Thy purpose to fulfill(:

bake ppl, BAKE!

haha.
thrilled.
went to deb's house to bake cookies and cake.
joke was...
after we put in all our "sweat and blood" to bake the chocolate cake
we realise it is expired. best before 21/04/2007
JOKE.hehe
we continued with our cookies despite the disappointment.
success came(:
think we baked a million batches.teeheehee.
most of the youth "exulted" our peanut butter cookies.
yay!!!
haha
we should do it more often.
blendings rock!

lunch was even better!!!
we had:
DURAIN chee choeng fan!!(can u believe tt???)hahs
Indo omelette
tapioca chips
rich rich dark chocolate(its kinda non-fat) & super duper tasty!!
our HOMEMADE cookies
& chocolate cake

whoa! its ONE FATTENING DAY!!!
but still...it was FABULOUS!!!

rejoice always.

Praise the Lord!
was really touched by the bro's speaking.
especially the portion on electricity.
everything have two sides, inside and outside.
for e.g., physics teachers can educate us on electricity...
its power, units, the results of electric shock, etc etc
however, it is only an outward aspect.
we need to place our finger into the socket
AND get an electric shock for ourselves,
only then will we truly understand the feeling of electricity.
this is the inward aspect.
likewise, no matter how much ppl tell us about Christ,
if we do not touch Him,
we will NEVER really understand or experience Him,
not to mention a close relationship.
therefore, we must always turn back to our spirit,
constantly touching Him for more "Christ-shock"!!

On the contrary, we must be careful of insulators.
between the finger and socket, if there is even a thin sheet of paper as insulation,
there will be no electric shock.
Similarly, if there is any sins between us and the Lord,
it will be difficult for us to touch Him.
Hence, we need:
a pure heart
simple faith
& a clear conscience.
Praise the Lord!!!

Lord, i give myself to You in this new year.
may there not be any insulation between us.
I want to have such a personal and intimate relationship with You.
grant me such a pure and single heart for You and Your economy.
Lord, i love You.

youth hymnal 404~
Lord, now i see,
You only want me to believe
Not to change
in all my failures and defeats.
to believe what You have done,
and not in what i see.

Lord, i believe,
when all around me is defeat
and it seems
that nothing's changing outwardly.
No! i'm not discouraged,
i'm believing You.

i was really encouraged by this hymn!
Lord, i love believing You!!!

the OLD days.

visited the supergym!
soo many machines to "play" with.
i should go there more often.
yeah. and get rid of some flabby lipids.

back to BBSS today!!!!
totally realised what it meant to cherish what we had.
i thought BBSS was just another school i left behind.
i thought it didn't matter leaving it.
i never meant to leave so many fond memories behind.
the times we had together.
of PE
of classes
of cca
of outings
of overseas trips
topped with chatter
& laughter
even tears of sorrow
really felt like home.
the old buildings...
the old friends...
the "old" teachers...
the old faces...
i have, quite regrettably forged bonds.
unforeseen bonds.
wish i could stay there longer.
as the saying goes, time flies.
will i survive without my clique?
when will it be the next time i return?
to face reality and my results?
so near yet so far.
ahhhh....
can't i turn back time?

pls, let time walk now. dont fly.

he who angers you controls you.

i totally agree!

wronged.

she doesn't understand.
guess nobody does.
i know of her good intentions.
but still... can't help it!
i don want my height-weight ratio to be more than 100%!!!

actually dinner was delicious.
due to an additional side dish of nagging,
dinner became awful.
so my appetite decreases
which leads to more reprimanding
why must others be part of the blame?
i just don't get it!
makes me sick in my stomach
gives me headaches
unwell... mentally
why can't it be me and only my fault???

sorry for emo-ing again.
it seems that my blogs are soo emo.
i'm definitely not an emo kid.
trust me.

still... this nagging gets on my nerves.
makes me see red
red paint splashing across my vision
makes my face turn black.
boiling
seething with anger
can't help it!

Lord, forgive me
cover me with your precious blood.
cleanse me.

Lord, when i'm bad, i get so sad
it seems to me the Lamb i never knew
but blood was shed, depression fled
so now i hide in You.

B DAE rockssss...

RECEIVED...
"chocolate" (bear) from aud, bel, mx, lorraine, grace, ben
mojo hunk from jie
hedgehog from ana
necklace from hx and esther.
green tea b dae cake from family
hp accesories from OGLs
orea cheese cake from OG
espirit shirt from aunt
card from judy,joanne

THX PPL!!! you REALLY REALLY made my day!!!
HUGS & KISSES (:

more to come...heex!

love ya!

we met up again!
for lunch. at pastamania.
FUN! JOY!
just hearing the chatter makes me myself again.
how i wish we could spent our jc life together.
haiz.
sry OG!
didn't mean to PS u guys.
just really couldn't resist the temptation.
didn't regret changing my decision.
though i seriously was in a dilemma just now.

sorry for being so emo today.
no idea what's got into me.

keeping my blog a secret.
hoping nobody finds out.

坚定不移。。。

Lord, preserve me in this two years.
keep me in Your presence
loving and enjoying You
my life is for You.
i consecrate myself to You.

another new environment.
another batch of strangers.
in her life.
get use to it, girl!

i need to come out of my nutshell.
come out of my cave.
be sociable.
so difficult.
i can't
no choice
forced.
how?
make friends.
2 yrs later...
new environment.
more strangers...
...
...
yeah.
Life's like that.

after 10 years, best friends grow distance
good friends become strangers.
only God is the Faithful one.

day by day his grace grows dearer, His love has conquered me,
never leaving, never ceasing, His Spirit constantly
flooding me, rich and free...

blinded.

i'm lost.
Lord, lead me...

been thinking about my subject combi and cca.
that's practically the most "popular" topic our OG discusses.
and of cos its one of the only topics we have to chat about.
Lord, have i really chosen the right ones?
PCME. hope to appeal for a fourth H2 subject.

feel like giving up.
its really difficult at times...
i honestly gave my all for o's.
as in REALLY mug like mad.
in return, all i got was the crappy feeling when i stepped out of the exam hall.
sorry, brain. for exerting too much out of you.
and thanks a lot for eventually giving me un-passable answers.

reminded of ~
took me too, too long to see
that this world's all vanity;
i've been through too much to just pretend it's all okay;
give me reality.

prayer meetings's always the best!
just revives me once again.
if only all the sisters went too...
keeps me in my spirit.
transcendent over all earthy things.

父，我知道我的一生，你已替我分好；
所有必须发生变更，我不害怕看到；
我求你赐长久忠诚，存心讨你欢笑。

大量，疯狂，利普地追求。
痛快，干脆，糊涂地奉献。

really enjoyed the training!!! and the blending part of cos(: haha. thanks sisters! for making me love it. oh. and thanks for reminding me to eat more more. haha. i know you are concerned about a lot of sisters too. doubt i'm any special. am i imagining too much? some sisters suspect that there's something on between us. but i thought you are like that to all sisters? but i still think there's something different. forget it. i'm thinking too much.

yet another brand new year.
turned 17 yesterday!
wish my spiritual growth would be equally matured.
Lord, grow in me(:

yesterday was great!
my fingers were practically stuck to my phone.
smsing...replying...thanking...
at least 25 b dae wishes!
when did i have so many friends?

OG ppl were nice
brought me a slice of orea cheese cake
and present from OGLs
touched.
thx ppl!
u ppl really made my day!!!

my first post!
can't believe I'm doing this.
swore i would never have a blog.
what's with that impulse or fervor?
get it over with, joanna.