broken inside out

just remembered my dream yesterday. kind of scary.
i recalled that i was weeping badly.
and i wanted to commit suicide.
i was ready to write my last goodbyes...
it seems so vivid now. the dream and all.
i even remember the people whom i decided to write letters for
and those that i decided not to so that they will regret whatever they did to me.
i was filled with rage and revenge.
blood red...
that's the only description.
is it just a dream? or a forecast?
i think it is because i have always kept things hidden within me.
just store them in me. keep silent.
keep silent about everything.
happiness, sad, worry, anger,
its all building up. i can feel it.
it seems so much easier to flare up now than three years ago.
oh! and there's something i reckon is mood swings.
its becoming worse now.
i can be really excited one moment, but the next i would fall into depression.
i think there's something... deep down in me that is wrong
seriously wrong.
i need to let go.
let go everything and trust in Him.
to be a lily trusting in God.

is there something called a stress reliever?
pls tell me.