feelings...

Lord's table today(:
realised i missed the constant chatting and laughter of the youth. it makes me wonder... throughout the week, when did i laugh a genuine laughter? was it just to please others? to make new friends? to appear very friendly? i really wonder. but somehow, it seems that my real laughter, from the bottom of my heart always ends up with the saints. or at times, with my good friends.
felt rather lonely today after the mtg. is this feeling similar to those youth that feels left out? no wonder they tend to leave earlier. i didn't feel like chatting today. well. that left me feeling down and sad. but of cos i will still look happy. its kind of a bliss to just observe the youth. haha. their never ending supply of strength, their cheerfulness, their simplicity.
i wish i could turn back time. to days of simplicity. when my only worry was whether i could play after completing my homework.

my concern: what would i be feeling on friday? too sad to go for the conference at night? or jumping for joy? i think this is what's keeping me low in spirit this few days. am i too anxious and worried? its just so difficult to turn back to my spirit nowadays... am i "too" in my flesh? my natural self?

enjoyed:
my God, my Portion and my Love,
my everlasting All,
i've none but Thee in heav'n above,
or on this earthly ball.