unexpected.

i cried. can't believe i cried. its not exactly tears of joy... more like shocked at my english A2, thankful to the Lord and about some of my friend's "unfair" results. i recalled, exactly one year ago i was seated at the hall, witnessing my seniors receiving their o level results. truth be told, from that day onwards, i was pretty determined to be one of the few on the screen. although i knew that even if i were top in my school, i can never be compared to a normal student from prestigious schools, i still yearned for this glory. now, realising this "dream", its nothing much. yes, glorious for that particular moment when my name was called and flashed on the screen. but, how long would this last? its really not a big deal now to get 6 or 7 points for o's. ask around... for every 4 ppl, definitely there will be 1 who score single digit. i know i sound ego at this moment. but honestly... hai... nevermind.

ever since yesterday, i keep asking myself, how do i feel? but i haven't got my answer.on the contary, this verse keeps popping in my mind. matt 6:33 but seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. we need to seek the reality of the church life today! without the Lord, i would never be able to get what i got. it is only when i am pursuing the Lord with my whole being that all these results turn out positive. although it always seems difficult to give up my time to go for meetings, do revival, night prayer, etc etc. but when i really regulate myself to do these things, time never seems to run out for me. oh what a miracle my Lord!

how do i comfort others? maybe i think too much or am very sensitive, but i tend to hesitate before comforting cos it may appear to others that i am very offending. i don't know how to explain, but just think of somebody who did much better telling you that its all okay, everything's what it should be. won't you be offended? i will. its no problem weeping with others, but in the first place, would they allow me to weep with them? personally, if i were that person, i would prefer comfort from somebody who understands, not one who scored better. haiz... but still... i wish i could do something that would cheer up those who mean something to me. sometimes i even wished that i could just bear their sorrows for them. to be the "unlucky" one. easier said than done though.

Lord, keep me humble even with my good results.