20 days and only 5 posts so far. see what i mean about blogs? even blogging i must be trained to be consistent. hah.

ah well... 6 days have vanished since i last blogged. feeling a little weird nowadays. always in my emotion... must be pms or something. had a weird dream last night. it was centered on one person. in that dream, i felt as if my life suddenly revolved around that person. dont know how to describe that feeling... uneasiness? uncomfortable? maybe its like a warning. i should keep my distance. i feel like there's something weighing me down in that dream, but just cant figure it out. i feel so complicated today.

yesterday's bbq turned out quite successful. it was certainly a pity that it poured like mad. but maybe it was just a test on our faith in the Lord. Praise Him! He never fails us. though we were disheartened at first... we had a fun time. i hope hongni enjoyed yesterday's blending, pls pray that she would be able to enjoy the churchlife like we do. It was also indeed a fun game of captain's ball yesterday((: haha. captain ball will always be my favourite. when i grow old, i will recall these wonderful memories of youth playing captains ball :P

played the piano today for Lord's table. like always, i felt stupid at every note i strike wrongly. that awful, out-of-the-place note. there are so many pros around me, why did i volunteer to play? gosh! cant believe i'm a grade 8 with such terrible sight reading skills. i'm sure so many are put off at the sight of me plowing through the hymns with practically no elegance or easiness. maybe it was a wrong choice from the start to learn piano. then i would not have such shameful feelings every time saints ask me to play the hymns and i embarrassly reject. you would never understand that sinking feeling whenever i am asked to play. it would be better if i could dig a hole and bury my face inside.

oh. have i ever mentioned that i blushed like mad? over every small thing. not the outwardly whole-face-red blush, but the inward embarrassed blush. i would probably be as red as tomato if my inward blush is revealed. hah. a random thought. don bother.